clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
...nor a devil. If such an entity did exist, he wouldn't allow His Unholy Genre to be abused in such a manner:

Behold: An industrial black/death (whatever the fuck that sounds like [no, I'm not going to the MySpace. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!]) one-man band whose lyrical themes are...Harry Potter.

Yes, that's right. A metal band about HARRY. FUCKING. POTTER.

Metal is truly dying a slow, painful death.
clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
(subtitled "WHY, GOD, WHY??")

Like Christianity really needed another bunch of horrid spokespersons.

Overfed American teenagers should stop making metal. Now.
clappamungus: (Headbangin' skeleton)
Short Version
Dear Dave Mustaine and co.

Brilliant set, lads. You haven't lost it at all, Dave. At least, not live.

A++++ WOULD SHELL OUT EXORBITANT FEE AGAIN

Sincerely, Me


Dear Tom Araya, Jeff Hanneman, Kerry King and Dave Lombardo,

You owe me $45.

Sincerely, Me


Long Version
Tonight I went to Festy Hall to see the big double-billed Megadeth and Slayer concert. )
clappamungus: (Headbangin' skeleton)
As far as I'm concerned, these guys do black metal right (not the first track, "Incubus". That's a single recorded this year and, while it's good, is not a patch on the stuff down the list! And is also quite different stylistically).

Cold black metal mixed with actual riffs as well as a variety of drumming styles that aren't modern half-thrash beats nor endless blastbeats (though the latter certainly have their place and are used tastefully), and good production (i.e. not underdone nor overdone) . Amazing. Yes, boys and boyettes, it can be done. You don’t have to resort to your black metal album sounding like it was recorded in my anal cavity (though to be fair, the song I'm listening to now is actually more of the "recorded in my anal cavity" type of thing, but not as bad as some I've heard. And it's still fucking awesome songwriting).

I'm ordering their album now.
clappamungus: (Douse)
I've been thinking of doing a "Ten Worst Albums of 2009" rather than a "Ten Best" list, as I'm such a cheerful, happy person. Or I could do it alongside the "Ten Best"

Anyway, this album:
CV

is easily the worst, most pointless shit I've heard so far this year. This is even worse than the terrible, terrible lo-fi BM I've been subjected to, not to mention those annoying morons Blackguard.

I love prog, and I hate this.

Why? Many reasons. Because there's no flow; because the vocalist is worse than Hansi Kürsch at his most constipated and, alternately, weakest; because this hour and 11 minute atrocity is resplendent with ridiculous flowery and "quirky" keyboard noodling over boring, plodding single-note-muted detuned-to-buggery guitar riffs; and, horror of all horrors, because that FUCKING ANNOYING BINT Simone Simons lends guest vocals to a few songs, and in the process makes even the wimpy keys sound tuff.

Oh yeah, and because this is to "progressive" as a dog turd in a storm water drain during a flood is to "movement".

Gah. I'm off metal for at least a week because of this.

************************************************************************************************

In MUCH BETTER news, Left of Crazy has ANOTHER GIG! This time at The Noise Bar on 20 August. That's all I know about it so far. Now I'm getting really nervous...
clappamungus: (Default)
According to all the sources available, Dream Theater's new album isn't out until 23 June. Usually these dates pertain to the Northern Hemisphere, therefore the release date for us southern plebs is about a week later.

But I got a tip-off from a fellow fan yesterday, and just moseyed on in to JB tonight...

And look what I got!



For once, we got something before everyone else did. Or the label is playing funny buggers and released it to all stores all around the world simultaneously.

Cut for my boring ruminations. )

Wait, what the fuck? Is that a blast beat I hear???

Second boring rumination. )

Boringus ruminationus thirdus )

I can crap on with the best of them about shit that no one cares about! )

Verdict? Much better than Systematic Chaos. Probably their best since Awake.

Interesting tidbit - I picked up the three-disc edition, with the full album, a disc full of various covers, and...a disc of the instrumental mixes.

...

Now why the fuck would anyone want those??? Unless they're vastly different to the album versions, then it seems pointless. More major record label marketing bullshit...oh, wait. That rant's for another post.
clappamungus: (Douse)
Dear Waking The Cadaver,

Just. Fucking. Die.

You are a disgrace to humanity, on every level. Musically, morally, and in the name of sheer taste.

On a musical level - I decided not to listen to the tr00 metalheads and give you a chance. I regret even considering doing that. Your music is either abominably boring and slow or worse, abominably boring and too fast for your stoned arses to keep up with. Your excessive use of breakdowns would make a metalcore band angry. If I hear one more sustained, super-detuned chord again, I will perform sepukku. You have no idea how to craft a good riff and your "vocalist" is laughable. YOUR DRUMMER CANNOT KEEP TIME. PLAYING BLASTBEATS DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN THAT YOU ARE A GOOD DRUMMER, YOU CONTEMPTIBLE TARD.

In a taste/moral capacity - the only saving grave about your lyrics is that I cannot hear them because of that stupid cunt you call a vocalist pig squealing. The less that's said about tracks (I refuse to call them "songs") with titles like "Raped, Pillaged and Gutted", the better, you sick, twisted wastes of oxygen. At least when Cannibal Corpse does it, it's ironic.

I sincerely hope you pull too many bongs and have a horrendous "accident" somewhere in a New Jersey landfill.

Actually, fuck it, I'll spell it out for you - I hope you end up a victim of a deranged fan (okay, a more deranged fan, since I can't see how anybody with an ounce of sanity can like this crusty shit you call music) who wants to emulate your lyrical content on you. Yes, all of you.

Now I'm off to listen to some good death metal. You know, stuff that's actually well-written. Yes, you pitiful shitheads, it exists. See below.

No love, ever,
[livejournal.com profile] clappamungus

P.S. All fans of this excrement (br00tal scenesters, I'd imagine) - I wish upon you the same fate as I have outlined above for your heroes.

Idiots

Aug. 4th, 2008 01:56 pm
clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
I really hate the terms "kvlt" and "trve/tr00" when they're not used sarcastically or scornfully.

The fact that so many metalheads use them seriously as a badge of honour makes me want to strangle them with guitar strings.

Take your "80's thrash was the gr8est moosic evar and all else is crap!" mantra and shove it up your fucking arses, you goddamn morons.
clappamungus: (Psychotic Waltz)
And I is sheepish.

The minute I walked into my Once-Again Favourite Café, the proprietress apologised profusely for fucking up my coffee order yesterday, and gave me another free one. I actually did half-heartedly protest, but she insisted.

Mnyes. Now I have coffee. Mnyes...

Now for a ramble about the new Batman movie. Thar be spoilers. )

That was not supposed to be so long. Oh well.
clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
I've been irritated for the last week or so about mainstream music and its mediocrity, or, worse, when music that is utterly abysmal becomes mediocre by virtue of being popular.

With that in mind, all of a sudden tonight, out of nowhere, I got Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" in my head. To my knowledge, I have not heard that song for months. It's the Dreaded, Infernal Earworm at work again, I suspect.

So, I get into my car tonight to go back to the lab to pick up something I should have already picked up when I was there earlier...and as I start Rusty, the radio also switches into life.

GUESS WHAT FUCKING SONG IS PLAYING???? It's like the bastards read my mind. Or the Dreaded, Infernal Earworm is psychic...or something.

Which is why I find myself here, waiting for things to download onto my USB, listening to grindcore in an attempt to get that fucking pathetic excuse for song out of my head.

It's not working...

No...still not working. Crap.
clappamungus: (Lab Rats)
Because the thesis corrections are truly making me homicidal (more so than usual):

List, updated, with yet more categories. )

Explanation required. Django Reinhardt was an absolute master jazz guitarist. And the proof:

Anyone can play fast. But they usually need more than two fingers... Forgetting the speed, the guy was a true innovator. Must remember to pick up some of his stuff, which I've been meaning to do for years. And one can't forget his co-lead, Stéphane Grapelli. Unfortunately I don't have enough knowledge of great violinists to make up such a list, although Martin Hayes would sure as hell be right up there if I did.

Now. Back to Thesis Corrections of Ball-Breaking DoomTM. Bugger.
clappamungus: (Douse)
From [livejournal.com profile] useless_facts

I shudder.

I love some of the comments in the abovementioned comm as well.

"Meh meh meh personal preference don't h8 somefink u don't understand waaaah."

You serious? If some tard decides that she wants to look like someone's worst goddamn nightmare, it all of a sudden means that we can't point out that she's, in our humble opinions, a little fucked in the head???

I should really leave that comm. Or troll the fuck out of it.
clappamungus: (Lil' Johnny)
I take time out now from Thesis Editing of No, Really, GAAAAAH!!!!TM to comment on the front page of The Age this Thursday.

The moronic Hell's Angel who shot three people on a busy street gives himself up.
After three hours of negotiating with police with his lawyer as an intermediary, he walked into the cop shop. Negotiating, hey? Hmm. I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall for that conversation. "Hey pal, I wanna give myself up." "OK, then, you bikie scum. We can't guarantee you won't suffer some sort of unfortunate incident, but yeah, go for your life." Not implying anything here, no...

I'm also quite amused that one of the reasons he gave himself up was that he "faced savage retribution" from the Hell's Angels. Who knew that bikie gangs had a moral code? Hmm...


The cop who thought it was fun to beat up a drunk Aboriginal, causing his death in the process, walks free.
Yes, I know. The jury could not say beyond reasonable doubt that Hurley's beating up of the guy caused his death. Never mind the fact that he had suffered massive internal injuries as a result. As usual, an indigenous death in custody is not treated with the seriousness it deserves. Well done, Queensland. You've just managed to entrench every stereotype that I hold about you just that little bit deeper.


The Business Council of Australia feels the need to shell out $11 million for propaganda for the Howard Government.
I'm so glad Eva and I are going to be out of the country during this election campaign. I hate federal election campaigns at the best of times. You see politicians acting even more like vindictive children than they do between terms, and the mud-slinging reaches ridiculous levels. I'm not really that curious as to how they're going to argue for the WorkCover legislation. I have a feeling it'll make me want to throw things at the TV. All the ads they commissioned before they were even implemented were sickening enough.

Everyone knows I hate the Howard Government. Not because they're the Liberal party, but because they're the Howard Government. I know all political parties engage in disgusting partisan politics and bullshit, but it seems to me that under this government it's become even more prevalent. I don't see how anyone can look at politics these days and think it's a noble calling. Not with the clowns we have in Parliament now, anyway.

Here ends the day's armchair opinionating.

Ha!

May. 18th, 2006 01:56 pm
clappamungus: (Stewie dance)
Ron Howard and Tom Hanks fail at life. 6% approval at the moment...

I haven't read the book. I don't plan to. Obviously I haven't seen the film either, and guess what? I don't plan to! Actually, I might just so I can laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all.

I still can't believe that my mother, who is Catholic, actually believed the "theories" in this story were based on fact. Shame, shame, shame.


Update Crap, now it's 15%. Not quite as impressively bad as 6%.

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