clappamungus: (King Diamond)
I already did this in Faecesbook because, well, I'm lazy, and it was easier. But damn it, I keep saying I'm going to stay off that shitty enabling social network of doom, and I'll be damned if I don't at least half get that right. So here we are, with album art and a youtube clip for each (well, if I can find one - I'm not going through all the fucktardry of actually uploading tracks myself if they're not there).

This is by no means all the releases I listened to, and there were some that didn't make the lists but were close (as evidenced by the "almost-rans"). And yes, they were all metal. Because I'm a narrow-minded, elitist wanktard that way, obviously. (In all seriousness, I did listen to non-metal this year but not enough to make as comprehensive a list as the one below).

The list )

Well, that post took way too long for something that only a few people will even bother reading... ;P
clappamungus: (Hug?)
(In case you've been....
living under a massive rock)

Thanks to the efforts of our magnanimous State Premier John Brumby and his moronic yes men, it looks like Melbourne's going turn into another Sydney, with a shithouse local music scene and even more doof-doof fucktards and trendy cunts with poo pouches crammed into massive beer barns and clubs.

So I'm going to see more small gigs this year. Any musical genre, be it metal, rock, blues, folk, even fucking spoken word for christ's sake. Just like the Great Barrier Reef, it'll be gone one day, and I don't want to regret not enjoying it when it was thriving.
clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
...nor a devil. If such an entity did exist, he wouldn't allow His Unholy Genre to be abused in such a manner:

Behold: An industrial black/death (whatever the fuck that sounds like [no, I'm not going to the MySpace. YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!]) one-man band whose lyrical themes are...Harry Potter.

Yes, that's right. A metal band about HARRY. FUCKING. POTTER.

Metal is truly dying a slow, painful death.
clappamungus: (Headbangin' skeleton)
As far as I'm concerned, these guys do black metal right (not the first track, "Incubus". That's a single recorded this year and, while it's good, is not a patch on the stuff down the list! And is also quite different stylistically).

Cold black metal mixed with actual riffs as well as a variety of drumming styles that aren't modern half-thrash beats nor endless blastbeats (though the latter certainly have their place and are used tastefully), and good production (i.e. not underdone nor overdone) . Amazing. Yes, boys and boyettes, it can be done. You don’t have to resort to your black metal album sounding like it was recorded in my anal cavity (though to be fair, the song I'm listening to now is actually more of the "recorded in my anal cavity" type of thing, but not as bad as some I've heard. And it's still fucking awesome songwriting).

I'm ordering their album now.
clappamungus: (Douse)
I've been thinking of doing a "Ten Worst Albums of 2009" rather than a "Ten Best" list, as I'm such a cheerful, happy person. Or I could do it alongside the "Ten Best"

Anyway, this album:
CV

is easily the worst, most pointless shit I've heard so far this year. This is even worse than the terrible, terrible lo-fi BM I've been subjected to, not to mention those annoying morons Blackguard.

I love prog, and I hate this.

Why? Many reasons. Because there's no flow; because the vocalist is worse than Hansi Kürsch at his most constipated and, alternately, weakest; because this hour and 11 minute atrocity is resplendent with ridiculous flowery and "quirky" keyboard noodling over boring, plodding single-note-muted detuned-to-buggery guitar riffs; and, horror of all horrors, because that FUCKING ANNOYING BINT Simone Simons lends guest vocals to a few songs, and in the process makes even the wimpy keys sound tuff.

Oh yeah, and because this is to "progressive" as a dog turd in a storm water drain during a flood is to "movement".

Gah. I'm off metal for at least a week because of this.

************************************************************************************************

In MUCH BETTER news, Left of Crazy has ANOTHER GIG! This time at The Noise Bar on 20 August. That's all I know about it so far. Now I'm getting really nervous...

Wow...

Jun. 29th, 2009 04:16 pm
clappamungus: (Headbangin' Skeleton)
OK, I stayed away from the band Dissection for so long, because they're always associated with that dreaded term "melodic" mixed in with "black" and "death" metal. I'm usually not a fan of black metal unless it's first wave or mixed with thrash or death metal (no, I never "got" Darkthrone, and continue to not do so), and I certainly can't stand bands like Dimmu Borgir and Old Man's Child who do the whole "melodic black metal" thing.

But now I'm listening to The Somberlain...

Holy. Fucking. Shit. This is amazing.

It's melodic, yes. But heavy, interesting, epic without trying hard so very hard to be so (take note, Cradle of Filth), and, above all, utterly, stunningly beautiful. Every riff, every note, every filthy vocal line: it all works so well. Melodic without having to rely on silly synths (yes, fuck you, Emperor) or generic riffs or poppy elements or commercial fuckery (Hey, In Flames? I hope you're fucking listening...oh, that's right, you like to suck. Ignore me). Even the acoustic pieces that act as linking interludes work marvellously, because, unlike bands such as Opeth, they don't do them to death. I especially liked "Into Infinite Obscurity", probably because of the little fuck-up on one of the notes that they must have heard during recording and while listening to the playback and yet kept in, because it makes the music a little more personal in a way. Melodic, yet still sounding cold, evil, misanthropic, and hateful; everything a BM album should be.

Where has this been all my life?? Why can't all melodic metal sound more like this??? Damn you, rock I've been living under.
clappamungus: (Kill Him!)
I just sent the following email to Steve Fielding's email address, regarding his "extremely well-informed decision" (there's a reason that this is in quotations) to block the government's emissions trading scheme.

Dear Steve... )

That felt...gooooooood...

I know it won't accomplish anything.

But it felt goooooooood.
clappamungus: (Default)
According to all the sources available, Dream Theater's new album isn't out until 23 June. Usually these dates pertain to the Northern Hemisphere, therefore the release date for us southern plebs is about a week later.

But I got a tip-off from a fellow fan yesterday, and just moseyed on in to JB tonight...

And look what I got!



For once, we got something before everyone else did. Or the label is playing funny buggers and released it to all stores all around the world simultaneously.

Cut for my boring ruminations. )

Wait, what the fuck? Is that a blast beat I hear???

Second boring rumination. )

Boringus ruminationus thirdus )

I can crap on with the best of them about shit that no one cares about! )

Verdict? Much better than Systematic Chaos. Probably their best since Awake.

Interesting tidbit - I picked up the three-disc edition, with the full album, a disc full of various covers, and...a disc of the instrumental mixes.

...

Now why the fuck would anyone want those??? Unless they're vastly different to the album versions, then it seems pointless. More major record label marketing bullshit...oh, wait. That rant's for another post.
clappamungus: (Blackadder)
Why did I think that I would like even early Dragonforce??? I mean, bands that suck right now generally, in my experience, also sucked earlier in their careers too.

Actually, that's not true. In fact, that's the most false statement I've ever made. Whatever. This album sucks and I know this despite the fact that I've only listened to the first song so far.

*head-desk*

Fuck power metal.

Actually, if it were not for the flowery crap in this, I'd probably like it better. That and the fact that they sound like they're sodomising an arcade game when they perform a solo.

Addendum Hm. When they slow down, they're kind of more interesting. But of course, they only do this for a nanosecond before going back to that ridiculously boring galloping speed...

Addendum 2 OH GOD, I HAVE TO SIT THROUGH SIX MORE OF THESE SHITFESTS???? NOW IT SOUNDS LIKE THEY'RE SODOMISING AN ARCADE GAME THAT'S HAVING AN EPILEPTIC FUCKING FIT.

That's it. If anyone admits to liking this band, I'm hunting them down and disembowelling them.

Addednum 3 Ok, there have been two songs that I'd listen to again. "Starfire" and "Disciples of Babylon" - because they have a bit more...what's that magic word? Oh yeah. VARIETY.

Addendum 4 Alright, fine. I grudgingly admit that the latter half of this album is better than the first half. Still derivative and mostly too fast for its own good, and I want to kill that godawful vocalist with barbeque tongs, but the latter half is definitely more interesting than the first half. I really don't know why they decided to stick with the first-half style than the latter-half style for future albums, but meh...

Here ends my rambling.
clappamungus: (Douse)
Dear Waking The Cadaver,

Just. Fucking. Die.

You are a disgrace to humanity, on every level. Musically, morally, and in the name of sheer taste.

On a musical level - I decided not to listen to the tr00 metalheads and give you a chance. I regret even considering doing that. Your music is either abominably boring and slow or worse, abominably boring and too fast for your stoned arses to keep up with. Your excessive use of breakdowns would make a metalcore band angry. If I hear one more sustained, super-detuned chord again, I will perform sepukku. You have no idea how to craft a good riff and your "vocalist" is laughable. YOUR DRUMMER CANNOT KEEP TIME. PLAYING BLASTBEATS DOES NOT AUTOMATICALLY MEAN THAT YOU ARE A GOOD DRUMMER, YOU CONTEMPTIBLE TARD.

In a taste/moral capacity - the only saving grave about your lyrics is that I cannot hear them because of that stupid cunt you call a vocalist pig squealing. The less that's said about tracks (I refuse to call them "songs") with titles like "Raped, Pillaged and Gutted", the better, you sick, twisted wastes of oxygen. At least when Cannibal Corpse does it, it's ironic.

I sincerely hope you pull too many bongs and have a horrendous "accident" somewhere in a New Jersey landfill.

Actually, fuck it, I'll spell it out for you - I hope you end up a victim of a deranged fan (okay, a more deranged fan, since I can't see how anybody with an ounce of sanity can like this crusty shit you call music) who wants to emulate your lyrical content on you. Yes, all of you.

Now I'm off to listen to some good death metal. You know, stuff that's actually well-written. Yes, you pitiful shitheads, it exists. See below.

No love, ever,
[livejournal.com profile] clappamungus

P.S. All fans of this excrement (br00tal scenesters, I'd imagine) - I wish upon you the same fate as I have outlined above for your heroes.

Idiots

Aug. 4th, 2008 01:56 pm
clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
I really hate the terms "kvlt" and "trve/tr00" when they're not used sarcastically or scornfully.

The fact that so many metalheads use them seriously as a badge of honour makes me want to strangle them with guitar strings.

Take your "80's thrash was the gr8est moosic evar and all else is crap!" mantra and shove it up your fucking arses, you goddamn morons.
clappamungus: (Emogency)
Dear ex-Favourite Café,

I have a routine. When my routine is messed up, it messes up my whole day.

I know it was a free coffee that I got (oh, Buy-5-Get-1-Free cards and how they rock my world). However, this does not give you the right to give me a freaking SMALL CAPPUCCINO in place of a MEDIUM FLAT WHITE. I have been going to you guys in the morning for almost 6 months to get my MEDIUM FLAT WHITE. So much so that I usually say "the usual please." Which is what I did this morning. HOW THE HOLY HELL DID YOU MANAGE TO FUCK IT UP SO ROYALLY??

I realise that in the big scheme of things, this is not a major world-changing event. Yes, global warming, world poverty, China taking over everything soon. I know. All major impending crises. However, I can deal with these in my own headspace IF MY COFFEE IS GOOD. THIS MORNING IT WAS NOT GOOD. IN FACT IT WAS NOT A COFFEE AT ALL*. And then, instead of apologising for the fuck-up, the woman who made it stared at me with this incomprehensible look and said "oh, sorry", like it was MY fault that she'd buggered up my order.

Fuckers. Now I have to go and face the day without my full complement of caffeine.

I'm giving you one more chance, and if I see no improvement...well. I'll just have to go to another café, won't I? SEE IF YOU LIKE THAT, YOU STUPID MONGERS.

No love whatsoever, because every now and then you burn the sodding milk too,
[livejournal.com profile] clappamungus

* Peanut gallery: I will hear no comments about how "meh meh meh, cappucino is coffee, you elitist scum." Maybe it was coffee once, before they put all that horrible non-frothed milk and chocolate powder in it.
clappamungus: (Classic *head-desk*)
I've been irritated for the last week or so about mainstream music and its mediocrity, or, worse, when music that is utterly abysmal becomes mediocre by virtue of being popular.

With that in mind, all of a sudden tonight, out of nowhere, I got Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name" in my head. To my knowledge, I have not heard that song for months. It's the Dreaded, Infernal Earworm at work again, I suspect.

So, I get into my car tonight to go back to the lab to pick up something I should have already picked up when I was there earlier...and as I start Rusty, the radio also switches into life.

GUESS WHAT FUCKING SONG IS PLAYING???? It's like the bastards read my mind. Or the Dreaded, Infernal Earworm is psychic...or something.

Which is why I find myself here, waiting for things to download onto my USB, listening to grindcore in an attempt to get that fucking pathetic excuse for song out of my head.

It's not working...

No...still not working. Crap.

Ha!

May. 18th, 2006 01:56 pm
clappamungus: (Stewie dance)
Ron Howard and Tom Hanks fail at life. 6% approval at the moment...

I haven't read the book. I don't plan to. Obviously I haven't seen the film either, and guess what? I don't plan to! Actually, I might just so I can laugh at the sheer absurdity of it all.

I still can't believe that my mother, who is Catholic, actually believed the "theories" in this story were based on fact. Shame, shame, shame.


Update Crap, now it's 15%. Not quite as impressively bad as 6%.

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